I was catching up on J's blogs and came across this blog about Lords of the ring and thought of bringing up a strong discussion I was having with M on this past hot Sunday morning. It was all about what is expected from a guy and his family after the girl comes to his house. And also that the guy is expected to work whole day and then again help or accompany his wife in the kitchen, even though she is not working full time. If he works whole day and then says "My part is done, I am gonna stretch infront of the TV and relax while the wife will make dinner", its considered the biggest sin done by him. Then I asked M, if the girl is working then can the guy say "You work whole day, I will quit my job and make food for you and enjoy the rest of my time, you be the bread earner of the house?" she said, "no that's not socially correct". Again the same social norms which J talks about.
If gender equality is expected, which btw is only seen prominently in India, then it should really be "Equal"ity. The thing that a girl is allowed to expect whatever she wants and the vice versa is not correct is a wrong thing. But this thing is so much into our minds that when M said that she wished to contribute for the expenses of our first anniversary getaway, I was initially perplexed, since it would not sound "socially" correct. But then she explained that if by her contributing we can enjoy a much better hotel stay and gifts for each other, why not. And after some calm thought, even I felt that was the right way. It was her hard-earned money which she wished to spend for both of us, the same way I wanted to and it was totally correct. And we did have a blast.
So guys, don't give in to each n every demand. Keep in mind, girls want equality and thats what we need to give them ;).
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
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3 comments:
Thanks for taking my discussion one step further Sachin... but while we are talking about social norms and gender equality, I have to point out that just because a guy goes to office and "wins" the "bread", he doesn't "make it". If you consider justa couple living together with no in laws or kids, then you are probably right in expecting the guy to stretch out in front of the TV while the lady cooks and cleans (provided she isn't working elsewhere). But throw in a couple of kids or in-laws and stuff, and the amount of work exponentially increases in cleaning up after everyone and what not..
No wonder when you consider a working couple, they share chores more on the lines of roommates than traditional household couples. After all, the woman most likely shops for the household goods (how many men check the fridge or anything else and buy what is required for the home?) More often than not, a man only takes the list his wife gives him and gets some stuff... which explains why most women handle the shopping, the chopping, the cooking and what not. And once you add all that to the working and the cleaning, it's a bloody miracle we're all not suing the pants off of you. :P
Thanks for your comment Jaya. Well, as you say, if the couple is staying in a joint family, then its not the girl alone who is expected to do all the work. Rather, she does most of assisting to the m-i-l. If the girl is working, then she does get a lo of help from the m-i-l who makes most of the tiffins for all the working ppl in the house.
If there are kids, then definately, the guy should share the parenthood and it should be looked as more of a selfless enjoyment thing rather than some work which "has" to be done.
If they are just living by themselves, then I agree that most of the kitchen requirements are looked after by the wife and the hubby does mostly what he's told to. But then with this, we might get into the murky land of who does what for the house. Like, the guys are the ones who look after all the finances and tax planning of both. So suing miracles can happen either ways, or rather don't happen because both sides know what WMDs the other has :D.
I agree with Sachin... As said I am living with my Wife, Kid and parents.. I equally share the parenthood. Make sure my kid doesn't disturb when my mother and wife finish the daily evening work.
Moreover I do buy vegetables for the next day while returning back home. It has an added advantage of eating and enjoying food of my choice.
Anyways .. long time you haven't pen down any new topic.. do try it out..
Jaymin
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